todays thought,todays laugh

The Farmer

An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning until night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot.

One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began harassing him again. Complain, nag, nag. It just went on and on.

All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet, caught her smack in the back of the head. It killed her dead on the spot.

At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd when a woman mourner would approach the old farmer. He would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement, but when a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement. This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old farmer about it.

So, after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer and asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook his head and disagreed with all the men.

The old farmer said, "Well, the women would come up and say something about how nice my wife looked or how pretty her dress was, so I'd nod my head in agreement."

"And what about the men"? the minister asked.

"They wanted to know if the mule was for sale."

A person starts to live when he can live outside himself.
~Albert Einstein

There is never time to do it right, but there is always time to do it over.
~Carl W. Buechner

Success is simply a matter of luck. Ask any failure.
~Earl Nightingale

source:_-worldstat.com

todays thought,todays laugh

Management Training A group of junior-level executives were participating in a management training program. The seminar leader pounded home his point about the need to make decisions and take action on those decisions. "For instance," he said, "if you had five frogs on a log and three of them decided to jump, how many frogs would you have left on the log?" The answers from the group were unanimous, "Two." "Wrong," replied the speaker. "There would still be five, because there is a difference between deciding to jump and jumping." When you take a risk and step out of the norm, you run the risk and sometimes fail. But you only fail if you give up. ~J. Peterman Happiness consists not in having much, but in being content with little. ~Unknown It's easier to share our cynicism with strangers than our dreams with friends. ~Dana Meadows

todays thought,todays laugh

Born in Japan Stationed in Okinawa, Japan, my son and his wife were expecting their first baby. I was elated when he called me at work all the way from Japan with the news of my grandchild's birth. I took down all the statistics and turned to relate it all to my co-workers. "I'm a grandmother!" I declared. "It's a baby girl and she weighs five pounds." "When was she born?" someone asked. Recalling the date my son told me, I stopped, looked at the calendar and said in amazement, "Tomorrow!" Hating people is like burning down your own house to try to get rid of a rat. ~Harry Emerson Fosdick Find a job you love and you'll never have to work a day in your life. ~Jim Fox There is a good reason they call these ceremonies "commencement exercises." Graduation is not the end, it's the beginning. ~Orrin Hatch

todays laugh

TODAY'S LAUGH

Makes Sense

You admit having broken into the dress shop four times?" asked the judge.

"Yes," answered the suspect.

"And what did you steal?"

"A dress, Your Honor," replied the subject.

"One dress?" echoed the judge. "But you admit breaking in four times!"

"Yes, Your Honor," sighed the suspect. "But three times my wife didn't like the color."

DAILY THOUGHTS

Husbands are awkward things to deal with; even keeping them in hot water will not make them tender."
~Mary Lorraine Buckley

"Put even the plainest woman into a beautiful dress and unconsciously she will try to live up to it."
~Lady Duff-Gordon

"To find out a girl's faults, praise her to her girl friends."
~Benjamin Franklin

TODAY'CARTOON

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,todays laugh




Broken Mower 

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting
to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else
to take care of first -- the truck, the car, fishing, always something
more important to me

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily
snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short
time and then went into the house.

I was gone only a few minutes.

When I came out again, I handed her a toothbrush. "When you finish
cutting the grass," I said, "you might as well sweep the sidewalk."

The doctors say I will eventually walk again, but I will always have   a
limp. 


today's thought



Be who are you and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.~Dr. Seuss

People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they're not on your road doesn't mean they've gotten lost.
~H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.
~Abraham Lincoln

todays thought,todays laugh

Can You See Me?

A young man was walking past a blind woman using a cane on a street corner downtown when she said, "Excuse me, but if it's not too much trouble, can you see me across the street?"

Our good samaritan replied, "Just a minute."

He walked across the street, looked back and yelled, "Yes, I can see you just fine!"

2

Learning From Marriage

At the banquet of their 25th wedding anniversary, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such a long duration.

"Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife"?

Tom responds, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, meekness, self-restraint, forgiveness and a great many other qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed single!"

todays thought

While we are mourning the loss of our friend, others are rejoicing to meet him behind the veil.~John Taylor

Is it so bad to be misunderstood? Pythagoras was misunderstood. And Socrates and Jesus and Luther and Copernicus and Galileo and Newton and every pure and wise spirit that ever took flesh.~Ralph Waldo Emerson

The body says what words cannot.~Martha Graham

today`s cartoon,,,,

 

today's thought,todays laugh

Today,s joke

Acts 2:38

An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church services when she was startled by an intruder.

She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38!" "Repent and be baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ, so that your sins may be forgiven."

The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he was curious and asked the burglar, "Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you."

"Scripture"? replied the burglar. "She said she had an ax and two 38s!"

Daily thoughts

A boy becomes an adult three years before his parents think he does and about two years after he thinks he does.
~Lewis B. Hershey

The truest greatness lies in being kind, the truest wisdom in a happy mind.
~Unknown

I don't like work, but I like what is in work. The chance to find yourself. Your own reality. For yourself, not for others. Which no other man can ever know.
~Joseph Conrad

Today,s cartoon